Towards A Marriage Life
Today is 1st August 2012, the very first day of the month I'll be getting married, which is on the very last day of this month. I will be set free on the Independent Day, will I? The feeling is unexplainable by words because it's not a story with specified plots. Life, is always a mysterious journey. We never know the station we are going to pass until we reach at that point. Sometimes, we reached so sudden that we felt that it's too early, whilst sometimes it's so late till we can't wait any longer.
People might say that they understand the feeling I'm going through, as the awaited day is coming near. But the truth is they never actually know exactly what I feel inside, as I never know what actually YOU are thinking right now. They can tell me about their experience, how they felt and how they gone through their previous countdown to marriage. Somewhat, it might be similar with the feeling I'm having, but there are actually more unrevealed, considering that our stations of life are differently defined by Allah. Each and everyone of us has destiny that known only by Him. So let's not force our destiny paved in our journey into others' plots of life.
At a glance, it's very exciting. The shadow of love is embracing my heart. The thought that I will be having someone to share almost everything in the future journey of life is quite wonderful. When I am happy, there will be someone to add on the happiness. When I am sad, there will be someone to add on the sadness (eh, silap, it should be to wipe out my tears). The single life that does not need us to be closedly followed and cared by someone, will no longer be there. She will be my shadow, or even my most personal mirror. If you think I'm writing nonsense, you can stop read here, no worries :)
At a second glance, it looks challenging and frightening. If she is to be at my side, then do I prepared to be the best at her side? Do I have all the qualities needed to be a good accompany for my wife? When I am writing the qualities I wanted from a wife, then I should also be writing the qualities I have to have to be a good husband. Expectations is never final. What we expect might turn out otherwise. This might be the reason why my friend once adviced me, "First thing to do in marriage life is to remove all the expectations you have on your spouse and accept her as she is, live with her and get to know each other from null". Truth be said (by the veteran), the first 5 years of marriage life is the Ta'aruf process. The more expectations we have, the more frightened we would become, and the higher the possibility that we are going to be disappointed. Ok, I got it. I have to accept everything coming and pave the marriage life with full of commitment.
Love can come and can be worked out. The issue is on what foundation should it be built up? On what principles should it be spread? I have to love her by not placing my parent's priority after her. I have to love her by putting Allah as the ultimate love before anything. I am not breaking my heart to split the love, but rather I think I will have to categorize the love and give them their specific rights. Learning to love is fine. Learning to put love at its right place is very important. Do we live to love, or do we love to live? Both might be true. We live to love Him, and we love to live as He wanted us to.
Love is not the only essence of happiness. Afterall, marriage is not only about loving. It's also about commitment. It's about moving forward to achieve a lot of purposes in our life. It's about building up a community, a civilization, a system of life. Marriage is not the end, it is the very beginning of a more committed life. A life where we learn not to be selfish and self-centered. A life where we learn to give sincerely rather than to always take irresponsibly. A life where we learn to explore our own weaknesses and subsequently learn to take advice from others.
I'm moving towards that life. A life that is full of enjoyments, yet full of commitments. A life that might reveal a lot of mysteries, yet leaving more to be explored. A life where thinking about the future will be more serious than being dragged by the past.
Whatever theory I am writing, I will never know exactly how the life would be, till I enter it and walk through it. May Allah give me strength, and may Allah give us all strength to live as he wanted us to.
Insya-Allah, this will be the last Ramadhan I will be going through as a single guy, may it be the best. Wallahua'lam.